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Mood Swings - Past Has Become The Present - "Thinking that deceased people are still around"

1/10/2011

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My mom frequently thinks that her mother and her brother are visiting her.  The truth is, they have both been deceased for many years.  At first this spooked my dad quite a bit, but realizing that people with dementia may forget the event of death of loved ones helped us to deal with mom’s condition with empathy and courage.   

While I am unable to find answers for why this is, Alzheimer’s patients seem to have a stronger memory of the  deceased people than the memory of their death.  I tend to look at it as the emotional memory must be held somewhere other than the area where the factual memory is stored. 

If you remind your loved one that the person they are looking for is actually dead, you may upset your loved one terribly.   We know, because my family has been through this issue many times and has made plenty of mistakes along the way to know what works and what doesn’t.  Instead, here is a communication example to help you. 

Example:

Loved One:  “Where did my mom go (a deceased person)?  She was here talking to me just a minute ago.”

DO NOT: 
  • Remind your loved one that the person they are looking for is dead.
  • Fabricate a story.  Somehow they know they are being lied to.
  • Panic or think that a bad spirit is nearby. 
 DO:
  • Recognize that the person he/she is looking for may be someone important or was once close to them.  
  • Prepare yourself to enter the world of Alzheimer’s.
  • Try to trigger their emotional memory, as opposed to facts.  
  • Ask your loved one:  “Tell me about Grandma (or whoever).”  “What was some of the happiest things you did together?”  “Tell me about Grandma's favorite dish she used to make?”  
You might just get to hear some simply fantastic stories.  Stories you never knew existed.  Stories that will make you wonder…”so what part of that was fiction versus non-fiction?”
  • Thank your loved one for sharing.
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    Being 'Present'

    Much of the information contained in this site are compilations and summaries from a variety of sources  including my own experiences and should be used as a reference only.  It is by no means  an authoritative medical reference.   

    Taking care of an Alzheimer’s patient requires UNFATHOMABLE patience.  From here on, I will refer to the Alzheimer’s patient as the “loved one”.

    Based on my own experiences, observations and feedback I’ve heard from many caregivers, I believe the following mindset shifts will empower you to be the best caregiver you can be. 

    1.  Prepare for a mind shift and accept that you are now entering a brave new world of a road less traveled.

    2.  You don’t have control over the condition of your “loved one” but you have complete control over your own reactions.

    3.  You can’t change your “loved one”, but you can change your outlook - attitude is everything. 

    4.  How you think determines what happens.

    5.  As your loved one's memory of events declines, try to communicate using emotion.

    6.  You, the caregiver, need a caregiver of your own.  
    DO NOT FORGET THIS!!      

    7.  Heard of “Don’t sweat the Small Stuff?”  Now is your chance to practice it.

    8.  If you’ve raised a child, remember what you learned from the period of “terrible two’s”

    9.  Try not to take your loved one's outbursts personally.

    10.  When all else fails, humor trumps all.

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