Thank you Jaime Sweet for the post. I so agree with you that there is a very special place where your mom, my mom and other moms remembers. I'd like to think that it's a very special place where it's full of emotional memories that no disease can completely wipe out.
I also know that each family member behaves differently when it comes to dealing with elderly (and especially ailing) parents. Just a food for thought though, if we don't like what we see in others, the most empowering thing we can do for ourselves is to say "that's not me" and work to change our own behavior for the better. Keep in mind that while we don't have control over others, we have complete control over our own reactions.
Why is it that some people think that if a person has Dementia that "things" don't matter because they won't remember in 15min anyway?! Yesterday was Mom's 86th B'day. As I have been for the past 3yrs that she has been in a Long Term Care facility, I go up with cake, balloons, etc. and make a little party for her and her fellow residents. They enjoy it so much and I enjoy doing it. However, I have immediate family members that are 40min away that don't even acknowledge the day. She has another daughter, 2 grandchildren, 3 GREAT-grandchildren (one of whom she has not even MET!) I just don't get it. And I know deep down inside there is a place where Mom remembers, because without fail, every time I leave and approach the door, I hear her telling someone, "Thats my daughter, I don't know what I'd do without her." I have to keep remembering that I am the lucky one and when Mom's time comes, I will be the one to have all these memories...'they' will be left with maybe the thought that they should of told her they loved her while she could still hear them.