Thank you Sue La Porte for this post.  I would love to meet Gay some day.  

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I wish you could meet my mom. Her name is Gay. And she is always smiling, blue eyes bright, and dimples to top it off. She is intelligent, and fiercley independent. She was a journalist and writer in her career, and she raised 4 children alone after our dad left. She has always been the eternal optimist, dreaming and seeing her dreams come true. I miss that part of mom, even arguing politics. But I also enjoy her just as she is, Alzheimers and all. In some ways, she is sweeter and more affectionate and loving than I remember her ever being. I feel like her ambassador, her advocate and her protector, and it's not a burden... it's a privilege. I like helping restore her dignity and value. I love the times we can sit and just listen to the birds sing, or appreciate a breeze together. She has the greatest belly laugh! I am so thankful that so far, she isn't anxious. If she gets mixed up, or afraid, I can be there to calm her. She is pleasant and does not seem to be aware how much her mind has changed. I grieve the pieces of her that slip away seemingly daily, but I cherish all the parts of her that remain. I respect and love her, and I think you would too. Thanks for letting me tell you about my mom.

Thank you Jaime Sweet for the post.  I so agree with you that there is a very special place where your mom, my mom and other moms remembers.  I'd like to think that it's a very special place where it's full of emotional memories that no disease can completely wipe out.    
   
 I also know that each family member behaves differently when it comes to dealing with elderly (and especially ailing) parents.  Just a food for thought though, if we don't like what we see in others, the most empowering thing we can do for ourselves is to say "that's not me" and work to change our own behavior for the better.  Keep in mind that while we don't have control over others, we have complete control over our own reactions.      
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Why is it that some people think that if a person has Dementia that "things" don't matter because they won't remember in 15min anyway?! Yesterday was Mom's 86th B'day. As I have been for the past 3yrs that she has been in a Long Term Care facility, I go up with cake, balloons, etc. and make a little party for her and her fellow residents. They enjoy it so much and I enjoy doing it. However, I have immediate family members that are 40min away that don't even acknowledge the day. She has another daughter, 2 grandchildren, 3 GREAT-grandchildren (one of whom she has not even MET!) I just don't get it. And I know deep down inside there is a place where Mom remembers, because without fail, every time I leave and approach the door, I hear her telling someone, "Thats my daughter, I don't know what I'd do without her." I have to keep remembering that I am the lucky one and when Mom's time comes, I will be the one to have all these memories...'they' will be left with maybe the thought that they should of told her they loved her while she could still hear them.